September 22 is National Family Day. But we’re taking it over! We’re calling it “National Found Family Day.” For many, family is a source of love and support. But for some, family relationships are hard. Families may not accept people as they are. When that happens, a found family can be life changing. Found family is a group of trusted people who care for you. They guide and help you like a birth family would. But they might not be related by blood.
When Your Family Doesn’t Accept You
Pauline Bosma is a trans person with IDD. She is also the founder of the Rainbow Groups. Pauline knows firsthand the value of found family. When Pauline first came out as trans, her mother struggled to accept her. At first, she said something deeply hurtful. But years later, she told Pauline, “I love you for who you are.” Those words gave Pauline the courage to fully be herself. But not all of her family was accepting. Her siblings disowned her. That left her without traditional family support.
Creating a Found Family
Pauline lost her connection with her birth family. But she found love and support in other places. She jokes that her work partner, Oscar, “has become like the child I never had.” Their bond grew so strong that he is able to make healthcare decisions for her, if needed. She wanted this role to go to someone she trusted. She did not want it to go to the siblings who rejected her. Pauline has also grown close with Oscar’s birth family. They have become part of her growing found family.
Pauline also feels that the members of the Rainbow Groups are part of her found family. She created these groups to connect and support people who feel alone and scared. Pauline has taught group members to care for each other. In that way, she built a found family across the country.
Why Found Family Matters
A strong support system is key to good mental health and well-being. Found family can give support. They can help work through challenges. They can be there during tough times. Pauline believes that no one should have to go through life alone. When your birth family won’t support you, a community that truly sees and values you can.
Want to Learn More?
- Learn more about Pauline’s Rainbow Groups.
- Check out Pauline’s Rainbow Support Group Guide Book.
- Read our blog post where Pauline talks about being an ally to trans people.
- Read our blog post where James shares how he built his found family.
- Build your self-advocacy skills with our free courses.
Everyone deserves love and support. Whether it comes from family by birth or family by choice, having people who truly care makes all the difference.