Today is Memorial Day. Many of us are thinking about people we have lost. Some people think that people with intellectual and developmental disabilities (IDD) don’t or can’t feel grief. This is a harmful myth. People with IDD feel loss just like everyone else. But they are often left out of the grieving process. This can make the loss even harder. So we’re sharing ways to support people with IDD when they lose someone they love.
We All Grieve
Grief is the deep sadness we feel when someone dies. Everyone experiences it. But people with IDD are often kept from grieving when a loved one dies. Families may not talk to them about what happened. They may not let self-advocates go to funerals. They may tell them not to think about the loss or to move on quickly. We recently chatted about grief with Brandy, a self-advocate from San Antonio. She shared how important it is to include people with IDD in the grieving process.
Watch the full video on our YouTube channel.
People With IDD Are Not Children
Some people wrongly believe that people with IDD cannot understand death or loss. They believe people with IDD must be protected. They may see people with IDD as children. Here are some reasons people may think this way.
- The person may use few words or not use speech at all.
- The person may need help with daily tasks, like dressing or eating.
- The person may show emotions in ways others don’t expect.
These differences do not mean a person can’t feel deep emotions. People with IDD of all ages can feel sadness, confusion, fear, or pain when someone dies. They are not too fragile. They are not too young. Everyone deserves the chance to grieve in their own way.
Families and caregivers may also feel unsure about how to support a person with IDD through grief. They may worry about saying the wrong thing or making things worse. But avoiding the topic can do more harm. What people need is kindness, honesty, and support. And above all, they need to be included meaningfully.
Include Us in the Grieving Process
People with IDD need support to grieve. This might mean using plain language to explain death. It could include using pictures, stories, or memory boxes to talk about the person who died. For people who don’t use words, other ways to show feelings can help. This can include drawing, music, or quiet time. People should be able to ask questions. They should be able to go to funerals or memorials if they want.
The person should also be allowed to choose the support they need. Not everyone grieves in the same way. It’s important to ask the person what would be helpful to them. Then, respect their choices.
Want to Learn More?
- Watch our Mental Health: Grief and Loss playlist on YouTube.
- Check out our free mental health resources.
Everyone needs support when they are grieving. People with IDD should never be left out. When we include them, we show respect—and we help them heal.